Sunday, January 30, 2005
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
The stresses of the past week did finally end up taking a toll on the body. At least I can relax a little as with a few phone calls got a couple of things out of the way and set in motion. The last little bits will be finished off tomorrow.
Things are still going very well with my partner and I. It is going to be sad when he leaves. Although I have been used to doing things a certian way for almost three years it has been nice to break that cycle. It is actually nice to have a partner that gives a shit about what I am doing. With men in the past I did what I wanted and they really couldn't give a hoot what I was doing. No questions or looking. But my partner is different and wants to get to know what I do.
Funny thing that happened (kinda funny) I was trying to set up my breaodband, could not get it going, spent 6 hours on the phone to people (getting transfered from department to department (passing the buck cause no-one knew why)) and finaly got someone who knew what was going on. Just my bloody luck a faulty modem. They are sending out a new one so that I may be up and running soon. I did not relise that when you ring up help desks that they are a level 4. The person that I am now dealing with is a level 2.
Also been finding out about fraud and stuffs and how I can go about stopping it from happening a bit more. Finding out what I can do from a legal prospective. Someone got me onto this nice copper that is helping me out a lot there. I am getting some legals started and finished. Yes you can all fall down that I actually said that one copper was nice. Generally I can not stand them. They only ever give out bad news. But this copper is being really helpful.
On a personal level I know that one of two people read this and it has nothing to do with last week for you two. This is personal stuff. So please don't go into a frizz and send me more emails threatening legal action. You know who you are. I will answer your email when I have time to think my response over to make sure that there will be no more threats of legal aciton. Hence the lack of communication with you the other day.
My baby starts kindy tomorrow. I am excited about that. Except for the fact it means my baby is growing up :( Angel has been a little funny with stuff since there is lots of change going on. He is a child that does not like change. But he is slowely warming to the things that are changing around him.
Well time to get things moving around here for dinner and movie night. And get things ready for tomorrow.
ttfn
xxoo
Monday, January 24, 2005
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Isn't transferance a beautiful thing??
Just a thought for the day
ttfn
xxoo
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
I am soooo looking foward to my trip away soon. Can't come soon enough.
It is one of those messed up times and I could do with some time away. I feel like screaming in anger, but crying with joy, happy and refreshed but depressed and tired and warn out. The future is bright but the past his still looming around the courner. When you can yell out bloody men/woman, but then you can't do that cause you love others of these genders.
Well time to clean up and make some phone calls
TTFN
xxoo
Saturday, January 22, 2005
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Murphy's laws
I anything can go wrong - it will...
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If you perveive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Murphy's lay of thermodynamics
Things get worse under pressure.
Murphy's philosophy
Smile,... tomorrow will be worse.
o'Tools commentary on Murphy's laws
Murphy was an optimist.
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula
about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine?
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off the car!"
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Sneezing Disorder
A man and a women are seated next to each other in First Class on plane.
The women sneezes, and then takes a tissue and gently wipes up under her
skirt between her legs.
The man isn't sure he actually saw what he saw and decides he is
hallucinating.
A few minutes pass.
The women sneezes again, takes a tissue, and gently wipes between her
legs.
The man is about to go nuts, he can't believe what he is seeing.
A few more minutes pass.
When the women sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it
between her legs yet again.
The man has finally had all he can take. He turns to the women and says,
"Three times you have sneezed, and three times youv'e taken a tissue and
wiped it between your legs... what kind of signals are you sending me, or
are you just trying to drive me crazy?"
The women replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, sir. I have a rare
medical condition, such that when I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, now feeling badly, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for
it?"
The women looks back at him and says.......... "Black Pepper".
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
New Year Humour
POINTS TO PONDER
1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me
4. I don't do drugs. Iget the same effect just standing up fast
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here
7. I got a jumper for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected
10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and that idiot's
11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life
12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect,therefore, I am perfect
13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I have stayed alive
14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss Australia?
15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled
18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mum's wise words:"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
19. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn..that was fun!"
20. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
21. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
22. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them
23. Don't argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell the difference
24. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
25. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet
26. My wife says I never listen to her, at least I think that's what she said
27. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off
28. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOUR!
29. Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
A man goes into a sex shop to buy a sex doll.
The salesman asks, 'normal or Muslim'?
What's the difference he asks?
The Muslim one blows itself up!
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Smart Kid
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her,
"I think Harry can go to the third-grade." Ms Brooks says to the principal,
"Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Bubblegum
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog do on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake hands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement.
Harry: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Finding Neverland was great in my opion. I am not generally one to get teary in a movie, but this one did it. It is a nice movie.
Sunday night went well. I passed with the parents even though I dropped the salad bowl and did not finish off my scotch with his father. He father poured me one that costs $80 per bottle. He father had a nice chuckle when after spilling the salad bowl I then dropped salad in my lap. But they said they could tell I was nevous.
The rest of the night went well. Movies, stroll down the beach and then came back home.
The one day I told most people not to ring me or sms me every man and his dog did. One I did not mind cause it was nice to catch up and that person had good timing as I was not "busy" at the time. I was spoilt rotten again in the morning. Cuddles, massage and coffees. Sometimes I sit and pinch myself as my partner seems too good to be real.
Went up to mum's in the arvo and helped replace a couple of her raylings. Picked up Angel and he had a lovely time at his Kindy visit again. He was happy to see Mum. Lots of cuddles. Had a wonderful conversation on the phone last night. Then my partner came over and spoilt me again. He said he would not stay over on a Monday since of my work day and Tuesdays I have to be more on the ball.
Going to catch up with my partner on Wednesday and we are going to get Angel together. I am looking foward to Thursday going out for dinner with some wonderful people.
Well time to get ready and go although I really want to go back to bed and catch up on more sleep.
TTFN
xxoo
Sunday, January 16, 2005
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Tonight is the big night. I get to meet my partner's family. I am meeting his Mum, Dad and one of his sisters. We were going to go out for dinner, but his mum insisted that we have dinner there. Then we are going to go and see Finding Neverland and then have some time to ourselves. I have warned most people that I will be no-where to be seen on Monday as I am have some quality time with my partner. It has annoyed one person but care factor is zero. We are spending as much time as possible together until he has to go back to QLD for work.
Well time to start making myself looking respetable for his parents. And to attempt to settle the butterflies in the tummy.
TTFN
xxoo
Friday, January 14, 2005
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and
challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know...
I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder...
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up
at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi
handsome.
My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!"
and she gave me a giant squeeze.
Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked....
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get
married, and have a couple of kids..."
No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated
her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm
getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared
a chocolate milkshake...
We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months
we would leave class together and talk non-stop. I was always
mesmerized
listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and
experience
with me....
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she
easily made friends wherever she went.
She loved to dress up and she revelled in the attention
bestowed upon her from the other students....
She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our
football banquet....
I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and
stepped up to the podium....
As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she
dropped her three by five cards on the floor....
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the
microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. .
I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me!
I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I
know..."
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop
playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing....
There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and
achieving success.
You have to laugh and find humour every day....
You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you
die."
We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't
even know it!...
There is a huge difference between growing older and growing
up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year
and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old.
If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never
do
anything
I will turn eighty-eight." ..
Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or
ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in
change.
Have no regrets."
The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but
rather for things we did not do.
The only people who fear death are those with regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out
in our daily lives....
At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had
begun all those years ago. ...
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in
tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never
too
late
to be all you can possibly be....
When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of
advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!
These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give....
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings
you to it, He will bring you through it....
Pass this message to 7 people except you and me.....
If you choose not, then you refuse to bless someone else.
Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them,
but you know they are always there."....
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'm jumping too.
The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
<>The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.
She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
(Oh this is GOOD!!)
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch!
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Okay, Okay, it *finally* all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnocologist
AND .
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy.
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.
Send this to all the men just to annoy them
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.
3.. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
An old lady is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.
She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed
husband.
The instant she saw him she starts crying. One of the undertakers
strides up to provide comfort in this sombre moment. Through her tears
she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a
black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologises and explains that traditionally, they always
put the bodies in a black suit, but he'd see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment
with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker
pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert
is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get
that beautiful blue suit?"
"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's
size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained
that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black
suit," the undertaker replied.
The wife smiled at the man.
He continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads"
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
It's not what it seems!
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them totally confused.
The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench.
Two of the men had black penises, but the one seated in the middle, had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized the confused couple were having trouble with interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.
He went on and on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white, patriarchal society.
"In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis reflects the cultural and sociological oppression expressed by gay men in a contemporary society".
After the curator left, a Scotsman man approached the couple and said,
"Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the Gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there is no African-American representation at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners.
The guy in the middle went home for lunch."
Humour gem: patience!
A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. He waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time.
This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord?"
A little teeny voice came out of the box... "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."
Patience is very important in life.
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
The Best Chain Letter Ever- really
Hello, my name is Chook and I suffer from the guilt of not
forwarding 50 billion f*cking chain letters sent to me by people who
actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in
Tumbarumba with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough
money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a
travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and
everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?
How stupid are we?
"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll
get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!"
What a bunch of bullsh*t.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was
started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget
pilgrims on the Endeavour.
F*ck 'em.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest
friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will
somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being".
I don't f*cking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our
own unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it's funny, send it on.
Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead
elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this email.
Now forward this to everyone you know.
Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and
will consume your genitals.
Have a nice day.
P.S. - Send me 15 bucks
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
marbles
Babs Miller was bagging some early potatoes for me. I noticed a small boy,delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller and the ragged boy next to me.
"Hello Barry, how are you today?"
H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas . sure look good."
"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"
"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."
"Good. Anything I can help you with?"
"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."
"Would you like to take some home?"
"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."
"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"
"All I got's my prize marble here."
"Is that right? Let me see it."
"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."
"I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?"
"Not zackley . but almost."
"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble."
"Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller."
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, perhaps."
I left the stand smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering.
Several years went by, each more rapid that the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his viewing that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts ... all very professional looking.
They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and mentioned the story she had told me about the marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.
"Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.! They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size . they came to pay their debt."
"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho."
With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that takes our breath. Today ... I wish you a day of ordinary miracles .. .. A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself .. An unexpected phone call from an old friend .. Green stoplights on your way to work .. The fastest line at the grocery store .. A good sing-along song on the radio . Your keys right where you left them.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, An hour to appreciate them, A day to love them, But an entire life to forget them. Send this to the people you'll never forget. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you are in too much of a hurry
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
This only takes a minute. Please don't be a bore and ruin it. Send it onto everyone you know including the person that sent it to you.
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not . Here is your dose of humour...Follow the instructions to find your new name. Once you have your new name, put it in the Subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers. Don't forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated. And don't go all adult- a friend in Melbourne is a senior manager and is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer.
The following in an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names......
Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gadget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa
Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker
Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice
Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.
Now when you SEND THIS ON...use your new name as the subject. And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
This are going so well between my partner and I. Angel just loves him. It will be sad when he has to leave soon. I am looking foward to Sunday cause he has plans for us and I am getting the night off. I also get to meet his parents on Sunday. Hopefully it will not be as horrid as what usually happens. I never seem to do well meeting parents for some reason. So I little worried about that.
Last night was wonderful. He come over and we had dinner, watched a movie and he gave me a nice massage to take away some aches and pains. I am feeling very spoilt by him. Angel calls him Dad sometimes and that does not bother him. It was something that we discussed and he feels very happy that Angel calls him that. It has been so nice to talk to someone on such a deep level. I have never chatted to anyone like I do him.
It has been interesting week with some people's reaction. One person I have seen some weird behaviour and the green eyed monster. I would not have expected it from this person, so I am now being a little causious of this person. I am always on my toes when someone shows any sign of jealousy. Another friend just asked if I had learnt the lesson of keeping my purse closed this time, unlike the last time. But she suggested I just sit back and enjoy it all.
My partner is already starting to save up for our (mine and Angel's) plane tickets to see him middle of this year. And he is going to set up a little room for Angel at his place. It is pretty much full steam ahead. We have talked about the future already. Such things as how I would feel moving around from state to state every few years and stuff. Even to the point of kids and the care of Angel. He said when we get married (not if but when) he is more than happy to adopt Angel as his and take care of him should anything happen to me. And that he would be more than happy to respect my wishes for Angel. We have basically layed all the cards on the table so each of us know what we are getting into. So if either of us want to change our minds we can, but it has not stopped either one of us.
I know all this seems very quick, (14 days) but it feels so right and good. I have never felt this comfy with someone and this is so different. All the things that people said where my faults (eg my inderpendence) he thinks they are great qualites. He is your typical Virgo with worrying alot, but it is sweet.
Apart from spending a lot of time with my partner it is all fairly quiet. Angel did really well with his Occupational Therapy and he moves up to kindy at the end of the month. He is doing kindy visits now and loves it. He has just boomed so much the last few months. His speech is getting better every time. I am so happy that the truma that he suffered as a young child has not affected him too much and that he has over come most of it. I love the way that kids are so strong like that. They can over come some things.
Well time for me to do some catch up stuffs.
TTFN
xxoo
Saturday, January 08, 2005
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
For the second morning in a row I got coffee in bed and cuddles by two men. I am enjoying it fully. Even though my partner was not here tonight it was still nice as I got phone calls and lots of sms'. He is a real sweetie. I am feeling very spoilt with him just being himself.
Mum met him and liked him. That is something that does not happen often. Mum also liked how he was with Angel.
Well I fit into my brides maid dress. I finally get to wear my nice dress. It has only taken me 8 years to find somewhere to wear it to. My sister has not set her wedding date just yet. All I know is that it is sometime this year.
Be warned there will be lots of jokes comming though. One of my crazy neighbours sends me lots of jokes. He came over on my birthday before I went out and offered to give me a nice pressy. He wanted to put me on my kitchen table and shave "bits". He is in his 50's, a bit loud, bit of a strange person. That was the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth. I know how to find the little sexual deviots around here. There is four that I know of in my street and two in another street. At least I can say I live in an interesting neighbourhood. Hmm wonder why I don't like staying at home.
Well time to go. Get some sleep and try and find a few things around this house. I have been told to find one thing in particular.
ttfn
xxoo
Friday, January 07, 2005
Subject: New Boots...
An elderly couple, Dave and Bessie, are vacationing in the West.
Dave always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
He walks into their room and says to the wife, "Notice anything different about me? "Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Dave says excitedly, "Come on Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me? "Bessie looks again, "Nope."
Frustrated Dave storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room, wearing only his boots, saying a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"
Bessie looks up and says, "Dave, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Dave yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Dave. You shoulda bought a hat."
lol
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When the clothing store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his salesman's hand was bandaged but, before he could ask how it happened, the man said he had some good news. "Guess what,sir?" the salesman said.
"I've finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had on the racks for
so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!". "That's great!" the manager cried. "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had. "But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the salesman replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me".
lol
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Subject: Sex Therapist
An Ontario couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from O.H.I.P.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
This guy is just totally blowing me away every time. Last night when he came over Angel was still up and he sat in bed with Angel and read him a story. I was one of those things that almost made me cry. This is the type of stuff that I had always dreamed of for Angel. That a person would take time out for him.
Well we have decided that we are going to try the relationship thing so I will refer him as my partner from now on. He and Angel are getting on so well. My partner let me have a sleep in this morning and watched some tv with Angel. He was about to get up and make me a cuppa to have in bed, but I got up first. I am feeling very spoilt at the moment. This is a whole new world for me.
It is nice to feel so comfy with someone. It has been great. I have not had one nightmare like I usually do with someone new and knowing that Angel is fine with him is also a major plus.
Well time to catch up on some sleepies. I finally found a wildcat.
ttfn
xxoo
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Things seem to be going very well with this guy. Phone calls and lots of smsing. I am enjoying it alot. It has also been nice to be able to talk about all sorts of things. We both know where we stand and that is a great start. It is a good thing too cause it kinda keeps me away from my puter for a while. I have shown him what I do (most of the time) on the net and he is cool with that. He does not use the net. But now he has decided it is a good thing. lol He is trying hard to convince me to sleep some more than what I do. And the best part is that he has taken a real shine to Angel. Plays with him and chats to him and even attempted to tuck him in the other night. Angel seems to have taken a real shine to him to.
There is something about Army guys. They seem to know how to treat woman right. I am two for two on that scale.
Today was great. I got to work in the other shop. I like working in there. Keeping busy made the time go quicker. I am on such a high on life atm it is great. Some people made me feel miserable before the end of last year, but now I can just laugh at them.
Well time to do the nails and get ready for tomorrow
ttfn
xxoo
Sunday, January 02, 2005
ALL COMMENTS ON MY BLOGG ARE MY OWN THOUGHTS AND ARE SAID WITHOUT PREJUDICE
What a way to start the year. I have met someone really nice and I am beaming. He seems to be a really nice guy. He loves playing with Angel. He does not have any kids atm, but wants some. Another Virgo, and a another Army guy. I don't want to say too much incase things don't work out. We have chatted and for a bit it will be long dinstance as he is posted interstate, but he said if things work out well he will pay for both Angel and I to come and visit him during his leave time.
I really can not complain about the start of the year. I won $50 on the lotto, met a really nice person, and knowing that Angel will be starting kindy at the end of this month. Things are going well so far and i hope that is a sign for the rest of the year. It would be nice if that was the case.
Well time to go and get things ready around here for tonight.
TTFN
xxoo
